Things To Do While Self-Quarantined
Written 3/10/2020, from the Archives
Get deeply into baking bread.
Emotionally commit to a meditation practice.
Start a one-person punk-rock band using instruments made entirely out of random objects found around your house.
Develop Stockholm Syndrome and start to sympathize with the virus.
Get one chapter into Anna Karennina before giving up (again) and re-watching season two of Fleabag for the fifth time.
Invest in one of those workout apps where you only need a yoga mat after feeling guilty about how much time you’ve spent watching fleabag, lately.
Fiddle with your modem (or is it your router?)
Briefly entertain the idea of going back to school for epidemiology.
Skim The Yellow Wallpaper and surmise that it is a critique on work-from-home culture
Facetime your grandparents to explain that you can’t visit for a long, long time because you care deeply about their risk of infection.
Calculate how long your stockpile of toilet paper will last and reeëvaluate your life.
Commit to journaling regularly.
Run to Walgreens to purchase a journal because who even uses a pen and paper anymore?
Realize you broke your self-quarantine after only three hours (because it really is very difficult to self-quarantine). Give up and book a flight to Italy while the tickets are so cheap
